MYSTERY OF THE CREEPY TIKI
by Kingosak
Summary: I like chicken
1. The Beggining

MYSTERY OF THE CREEPY TIKI  
By the king himself: Kingosak  
  
  
This is a horribly gruesome story about the CREEPY TIKI. He lurks in the shadows   
and... ACTS TIKISH! Hope you like this because its going to be great...  
  
One day a man comes into a shop that is run by Pilph the manager. HE calmy asks to buy   
a magazine and is just walking out when he trips on something and falls flat on his face   
(the plot thickens). He is just getting helped by the store manager when all of the lights in   
the store go out. Then the door locks (the plot gets a more thickerer). The store owner   
desperately tries to open the door but hears a scream behind him. He turns to find the   
man that had tripped dead on the floor with his balls chewed off. The owner is about to   
make a move toward him but a creepy shape comes up behind him. No, not just a creepy   
shape, a creepy tiki shape! The owner turns and screams "La Creepa tika!" (story set in   
modern day LA by the way). The screams are heard all around as the man is horribly   
mutilated and castrated.  
  
"Hey get off my pineapple upside down cake," Muldor ran torward Sculler as she   
attempted to grab it.  
  
"But I'm frigin' HUNGRY!" She said walking away sulkily.  
  
"Well get your own damn pineapple upside down cake, it be MINE."  
  
"Fine then have it your way you..."  
  
The phone ring in the background so Muldor goes to pick it up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"This is Skinnef and I want you to take a case for me."  
  
"What about?"  
  
"There appears to be an attack on a man over in LA. I think you should go and check it out."  
  
"Anything interesting I should know?"  
  
" He got his balls chewed off."  
  
"Man, what a pisser. Going to have to look into getting a jock strap before going on this X file."  
  
"Who ever said that this is an X file?"  
  
"Nobody. I just have a hunch that no man would chew another guy's balls."  
  
"I do it all the... Did I just say that out loud? I meant...um... your probably right."  
  
"Good then I'll just get off the phone before I have a barf attack."  
  
Muldor hangs up the phone. Sculler walks over  
  
"What was all that?"  
  
"I think we have an X file."  
(insert the X files music here)  
  
There are police sitting outside the store that was attacked eating donuts. Suddenly a really nice car pulls up and Muldor steps out of it. Sculler gets out after complaining about how she needs to take a crap.  
  
"I really need to go Muldor! Don't you think that this little investigation thing could wait until I get a little break?"  
  
"Get a frigin' diaper."  
  
"Don't blame me if I..."  
  
Muldor walks over to the head policeman and begins to ask him questions.  
  
"Hey FBI here. What have you found so far?"  
  
"They have really good donuts in the shop."  
  
"What the hell have you been doing the whole time?"  
  
"Eating donuts."  
  
"Well have you found anything else?"  
  
"The guy got his nads chewed real bad."  
  
"Man you buttfuckers are useless."  
  
"Tell it to the judge."  
  
"What judge?"  
  
"Oh so now your asking me what I mean huh? Well let me tell you, you've gone way too far and your in over your head."  
  
"No, I'm in over your head, because you head's up your ass."  
  
Muldor walks away Sculler crawls behind him.  
  
"Why the hell are you crawling?"  
  
"Because I gotta take a wicked shit and I can't stand up."  
  
"Well then you should..."  
  
A really loud noise is heard and everyone watches as a brown mass slides out of Sculler's pants. The policemen all pull out guns and begin to shoot it. They then stop as the head policeman begins to talk.  
  
"Man that was a close encounter with the shit kind. We should get a metal."  
  
All of the policemen cheer and wave their hats in the air. Muldor walks into the store sickened by the display. Sculler limps after him.  
  
"Man that was sick."  
  
"Your telling me."  
  
"But your the one who did it. More importantly, though, why are you limping?"  
  
"Because I got shot in the foot."  
  
"Man, we should get you to the hospital!"  
  
"No, I'll just bandage it on the way."  
  
"On the way where?"  
  
"To the hospital."  
  
"But then why would we bandage it on the way there if we were going there to get it bandaged?"  
  
"Because I'm a doctor and I went through medical school but never get to use my abilities since I'm too busy shitting my pants with you. I would really like to do at least one doctor-like thing during this damn show."  
  
"You get to cut open the dead stuff."  
  
"Yeah, but that sucks."  
  
"Well why don't you just bandage it here?"  
  
"Because I want to do it in the car."  
  
"Well go to the car."  
  
"But I want the car to be moving."  
  
"Get one of the officers to drive you in circles."  
  
"Guess that will have to do."  
  
Muldor begins to investigate the scene as Sculler goes outside and asks to get driven in circles. While this is going on Muldor investigates the body.  
  
"Man talk about the WRONG way to do a blowjob."  
  
"Stop going back to the chewed balls thing!"  
  
"Who the hell are you?"  
  
'The author. And if that happens again I'll kill off your character!"  
  
"That would suck."  
  
"Then no more MENTIONING THIS GUY'S BALLS!"  
  
"OK ok ok. Jesum.  
  
Muldor turns back to the rest of the building.  
  
"Guess I'd better look at the store."  
  
Muldor goes into the rest of the store and begins to look at it.   
  
"Whatever did this is obviously gone."  
  
"Man that was a real nasty job on that guy's gonads..."  
  
"THAT'S IT! YOU DIE!  
(more X files music)  
  
All of a sudden the door locks and the lights get dim. Muldor is looking around and he pulls out his gun. Just then a creepy shadow, no a creepy tiki shadow comes up behind him and is about to tackle him when he whirls around and blasts it full of holes.  
  
"HaHA I win you lousy excuse for an au..."  
  
Just then a whole swarm of creepy tikis come behind him. He is about to shoot when one of the shelves falls on him.  
  
As he laughs the author says, "HaHA made you look!"  
  
"That wasn't very nice" Muldor says angrily.  
  
  
  



	2. The Killing of the Tiki

MYSTERY OF THE CREEPY TIKI PART TWO  
By the king himself: Kingosak  
  
"Okay, I'm done bandaging it now."  
  
"It's about time,"said the weary driver. "The only reason   
that I did this was because you threatened to castrate me if   
I didn't."  
  
"And I have to. But now I think that your kinda nice."  
  
Skuller stepped out of would the car and went over to the   
building. She went through the door and into the store where   
she found mass destruction. She went over to fin that Muldor   
had been crushed by a shelf.  
  
"Man, what a bummer," she exclaimed. "That whole dying thing   
will really wreck your day. guess Ill just have to solve   
this one on my own."   
  
She walked further into the building still seeing nothing.   
Then she saw a creepy shadow no, a creepy tiki shadow move   
across the room. She slowly drew her gun.  
  
"La Creepa Tika! Wait a minute, I dont even speak spanish.   
What the hell is going on? I cant take much more of this   
crap."  
  
Skuller advanced with her gun held out and waited for a   
chance to blast creepy tiki. She got her chance as the   
monster leaped at her. She raised her gun and shot it right   
between the eyes. It fell over dead.  
  
"Guess that about wraps up that X file. Too bad about   
Muldor. Guess Ill buy something nice to dedicate to him. On   
second thought he doesnt deserve something nice. Guess Ill   
just get him a box of cereal."  
  
Sculler walks out of the store and into the car. One of the   
policemen walks up to her.  
  
"Hey, Sculler! what do you think is the best part of this   
case?"  
  
"Muldor dying because I get to eat his pineaple upside down   
cake now."  
  
The End  
  
HAHAHAHAHA wasnt that a great punch line a the end? HAHAHA   
pineaple upside down cake! What a dumb idea! Who would ever   
think that something like that would exist? Its something   
that probably wont be created until squirels fly. What? What   
the hell is that? There actually IS something called   
pineaple upside down cake? And squirels fly? So Im totally   
wrong? Man, what a bich. Totally defeats the perpose of me   
even mentioning that. Too bad. Review this story a lot and   
put it on your favorites list. Im desperate (yes I DID read   
the list about this and that is why I wrote this). R&R R&R   
R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R R&R k enuf.   
  
  
  



End file.
